Every Husband and Wife Relate To This

Almost every husband and wife who sees this video does two things – laugh and relate.  The third option is to cry.  Let’s start first with the laugh and relate.

Humor is sometimes good medicine and let me begin by just saying that this video is hilarious.  It’s outright brilliant in the way it captures what most all of us have experienced.  The snagging sweater line, the husband’s expressions, everything just speaks to us.  We have been on that couch, and both sides!

Generally speaking, the feedback I get is that both wives AND husbands see a little of themselves in both characters here.  Men, we like to solve problems, but there are a lot of women who are also problem solvers.  And women are not the only ones who appreciate and need someone to occasionally just listen and let them know you hear and care about what they are going through.

All of the this leads us beyond the “laugh and relate” and onto cry. Some of us cry because we know too well what’s its like when our spouse doesn’t listen to us , and conversely, how frustrating it can be when we want to help our spouse but they don’t seem able to hear what we have to share.

My point is not to encourage a critical view of our mate, but to (hopefully in fun) bring to the table an awareness that we both, husband and wife, find it challenging at times to be the person the other needs in a certain moment.

Why do I frustrate my spouse so often?

While there is a part of me that is tempted to share some solutions, or communication tools, my gut tells me that solutions to this scenario are worth little if we don’t first take time to become more aware of why we frustrate our spouse at times.

Therefore, I will share more in a future post, but for now, let me just encourage you to ask a simple question: why do I get frustrated with my spouse when I am trying to share my experiences and/or feelings with them?

This is a good question to ponder.  Can I identify the trigger to my frustration, my harsh tongue, my feelings of despair or aloneness?  Is it something I am needing, and if so what?  Is it something I am wanting, but they don’t see or understand?  What could I do, or do differently that would minimize these triggers and help my spouse be there for me?

Validation is key to feeling connected

In the video we see a husband wanting to help.  This is where most of us are, wanting to offer support for our spouse.  Men (and women) often feel at a loss in these cases?  Why can’t I just pull the nail out?  Here’s a short answer, but in this case the wife is tired of the symptoms that nail is causing.  While she would like these “symptoms” to go away, perhaps her greater need is to first have her sufferings understood and acknowledged.  Validation is often as important as solution in feeling connected and loved.  As the listener, remember to first acknowledge, then ask if they would like to hear your thoughts or ideas.

Blessings and humor to you!

Nick Sorani